Stupid things people say.

Friday, 14 July 2017


Here is a nice, compact list of stupid shit that people have said to me, and those that have suffered losses. Straight from the horse's mouth. I asked other loss mothers what dumb and insensitive things they've been told over the years, and here they are. Word for word. Not only have people suffered one of the worst losses a person can experience, the literal death of their child, either at various gestations or after they've been born, but then this happens. It is passed off as a non-thing.

 If you have said something on this list – apologise. If you encounter somebody that has suffered a loss, do not say any of these things.



Everything happens for a reason (the most common)

You've had your time to grieve.
At least you know you can get pregnant.
You can have another baby.
Eh, you can just have another one.
At least s/he wasn't (insert age here).
Better that you lost him/her now.
At least you weren't that far along.
Stop being so dramatic!
You're always using this for sympathy!
It's been ages.
You'll be fine.
At least you have children already so it isn't so bad.
You're young, you have loads of time!
Isn't (insert amount of children you already have) enough?
Just get drunk! That's how we conceived our kids.
It happened to me, it'll definitely happen to you.
There's always next time.
Just keep trying!
Just stop trying.
Did they tell you what's wrong with you?
Why would you put yourself through that again anyway?
I can't take the heartache of your losses anymore.
Your son could have been a serial killer, that's why he didn't live.
It's God's will.
It wasn't meant to be.
You're too old.
You better learn how to pray.
Maybe the baby had down syndrome or something.
Maybe if you actually tried to stay pregnant you would be.
Those don't even count as pregnancies.
You should have just ridden out the pregnancy longer instead of being induced [at 40 weeks].
If you were doing right by God this wouldn't have happened.
You should be glad. The baby probably didn't make it because there was something wrong with it. You should be thankful.
You dodged a bullet!

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